Seventy-eight-year-old Moya Goatley has always had an interest in literature and writing. She wrote her first book at 12-years-old after finding comfort in words, being in awe of their musicality and unique ability to touch the hearts of others.
So when Moya suffered a severe mental breakdown at the age of 56, which left her feeling reclusive and demoralised, it might come as no surprise that she turned to literature and learning as part of her recovery.
Since then, Moya – who lives in the ancient fishing village of Eccles-on-Sea – has not only received an undergraduate degree in English, but a Master’s as well.
Her experiences have made her a passionate advocate of both later life learning (especially with The Open University) and eradicating the stigma surrounding mental health.
Inspired by Moya’s story, we spoke to her about her struggles and triumphs…
“There’s no explaining it; the human mind is extraordinary”
Throughout her life, Moya has struggled with her mental health – which she believes was exacerbated by her strict religious upbringing.
Since she was young, she describes having what she calls ‘sporadic episodes’, where she’d experience flu-like symptoms and terrible mental malaise. But Moya’s struggles came to a head when she suffered a severe mental breakdown…
Moya explains, “On the 5th of January 2000, I came home from work and it was like switching off an electric lightbulb. I literally couldn’t move.
“I’d gone upstairs and planned to go from the bedroom to the bathroom. But I simply couldn’t make it. I just froze on the landing. And when my phone rang, I did something like when a dog goes around in circles, chasing its tail and whimpering. For six years after that, I couldn’t go out into my back garden.
“Interestingly, I wasn’t completely housebound and could still go out the front. I even flew to America and carried on going out in my car, though I spoke to very few people – only family, really. I just couldn’t bring myself to go out into the garden. Sometimes I managed as far as the french doors that looked out onto the garden, but I couldn’t draw the curtains. And when I finally did, I could only sit there and stare out through the glass.
“Then one day, I thought, ‘This is ridiculous’, and I willed myself to open the doors, go outside, and sit at the top of the garden steps. For 30 seconds, I was fine, but then I was overcome with such a feeling of shame, as if I shouldn’t be there and I hadn’t the right. So I came back in.
“There’s no explaining it; the human mind is extraordinary. After that incident, it took me around a year to step back into the garden.”
“When you’re down at the bottom, you don't want to come up because it’ll hurt”
For many years after her breakdown, Moya became withdrawn. She chose to walk instead of taking the bus to therapy because she feared speaking to the driver and asking for her ticket. She also had to quit her job at the National Centre for Social Research – a role that she loved.
Things she’d previously enjoyed immensely, such as reading books and doing crossword puzzles, became difficult for her too…
Moya explains, “When you’re down at the bottom, you don’t want to come up because it’ll hurt. You know what your misery is and you’re familiar with it. And in a way, you don’t want anything to interfere with that because you’ll start living and hurting again.
“But one day, I solved a clue in a crossword and I might as well have climbed Everest. I thought, ‘Wow, my brain’s still working.’”
And that first crossword clue was only the beginning of Moya’s journey to open herself back up to the world. One of her biggest moments came when someone suggested that she might benefit from taking a course with the Open University.
“It took a long time but I gradually thought I could do a little more and a little more”
Speaking about her first experiences with education after her breakdown, Moya says, “When someone suggested taking a course with The Open University, my initial thought was, ‘No, I couldn’t do that. It’s too much.’ Although, after some research, I discovered that they offer small courses that are worth ten credits or so.
“The first one I took was a general creative one. But the one I did after that was called ‘Time to Change’ and it asked you to visualise where you’d like to be the following year.”
Moya continues, “When I did this, I imagined myself in a field sitting underneath a tree – reading or studying. It was one of those idyllic scenes where the birds are singing and the sun is shining. To my right was a gate through which I had come, and beyond that was a little yellow car.”
Sometime later, on a rainy July day, Moya was in her office at home. And she suddenly found herself compelled to go to the nearest dealership and order herself a car; the little yellow car she’d imagined…
“I had no idea how I was going to pay for it, but it was a gesture as if to say, ‘Let’s get on with life.’ I still have that car today. It sort of opened up my life because I could go anywhere I wanted in this steel container and be safe.
“It took a long time and, well, I suppose I’m still a work-in-progress, but I gradually thought I could do a little more and a little more. That’s why I started my Bachelor’s degree in English.”
“I’ve always written and wanted to write. In fact, I wrote my first book when I was just 12 years old”
Although making the decision to embark on a journey into higher education was challenging for Moya, what wasn’t difficult was choosing what she wanted to study.
“I’ve always written and wanted to write,” Moya tells us. “In fact, I wrote my first book when I was just 12 years old. I’ve published my work before as well. But my 15 minutes of fame came about in quite an unexpected and unusual way…”
Back in 2007, a poem of Moya’s was chosen to be inscribed upon a boulder at the Maritime University in South Korea. It was intended to commemorate that year’s class of graduates. And soon after, Moya set off on a trip to go and see the boulder in person, which sits on the university’s campus in Mokpo…
Explaining the reason for her trip, Moya says, “I did a survey one year that was supposed to tell you when you were going to die – and it told me that my day would come in October of 2018.
“Of course, I didn’t believe it, but it prompted me to think, ‘Right, well I’d better start getting on with life.’ So, as well as a fantastic day of indoor skydiving, I decided to take a trip and see my boulder in person. I had a marvellous time and I learned a great deal.”
“Doing something that I love and exploring something that I love has been immensely helpful”
Moya says, “The stigma surrounding mental health is similar to the one surrounding age. Many people have grown up believing that somehow talking about your mental health is shameful.
“It’s similar to the way that some people have it in their heads that 60+ is old, and they stop doing the things that they love. But it’s just a stigma.
“I’ve found being open is very important. I’m an advocate of the national Time to Talk Day for mental health awareness. It’s all about encouraging people to talk about it. Though, I appreciate that it can be difficult sometimes. If you broke your leg, it’s perfectly easy for people to ask you how your leg is, but it’s a little different to ask, ‘How’s your head?’
“But, for me, personally, I think my breakdown was my body’s way of saying, ‘I’ve given you so many warnings and you haven’t done anything about it or spoken to anyone about it – so it’s time to shut down.’”
And for Moya, her mental health recovery and journey into the world of higher education have been two sides of the same coin.
She continues, “Doing something that I love and exploring something that I love has been immensely helpful. I love words, their musicality, and what they can convey. Writing is something that can touch another person in such a unique way.”
Final thoughts from Moya…
Since receiving her Bachelors of the Arts in English, Moya has gone on to complete her Master’s degree as well – and she’s become an advocate for later-life learning and The Open University.
For others looking to get into higher education later in life, she has these words of advice:
“Go for one of the small introductory courses that are offered by The Open University. They’re invaluable. One of them follows around nine different subjects, like music, writing, and sciences. Or, you could go ahead and start with a small course on a subject you know you love. But whatever you decide, just go for it! Even if you’re simply dipping your toe in the water.”
“It’s also worth remembering that studying doesn’t have to be formal. When I ventured back out into the world, I joined a writing group. This was instrumental in finding nourishing friendships. It was from them I learned and continue to learn about writing. It was with their encouragement and support that I pursued The Open University path.”
And if you’re considering embarking on a journey into higher education, but you’re still on the fence, then we’ll leave you with Moya’s poem, Lure of the Sea (the one etched into a boulder halfway around the world)…
“The lure of the sea
Beckons youth from rough earth
To its majesty
Charged with thunderous power
Or still, smooth, quiescent beauty
“On the restless ocean,
From your earth-centred learning
Go student, prosper.”
Want to start your own learning journey?
If you’re interested in following in Moya’s footsteps and pursuing a university degree, we have lots of content available on the learning section of our website to help you get started.
You might find our explanation of 6 fears you might have about returning to education as an older adult and our guide to becoming a university student in your 50s, 60s, and beyond, particularly helpful. And you can browse online courses below.
And if you want to learn more about how to support your learning, you might also want to take a look at our guide to financing education in later life.
Where to turn if you’re struggling with your mental health…
If you’re struggling with your mental health, we have a wide range of content on the healthy mind section of our website that can give you some tips and information. But it’s always a good idea to reach out to friends, family, and/or your GP for support as well.
Mental health organisations like Samaritans or The Silver Line work around the clock to be there for people who need a listening ear and some friendly support, should you need somewhere to turn. They’ll also be able to advise you on where to turn next, so you can start feeling like yourself again.
If you enjoyed reading about Moya’s experiences, why not read some other real life stories on our website?
Are you inspired by Moya’s story? Do you have an experience of your own that you’d like to share? We’d love to hear from you in the comments below.